What do you want?

We learn it as kids.  From very early in life we are conditioned to make our wants known and expect to have them met.  “I want food.”  “I want water.”  “I want to go outside.”  And what would we do if we didn’t get what we wanted?  We fussed.  That may be okay as little kids, but as we got older we realized that in life you don’t always get what you want.  So we learned to temper our expectations.  We learned to ask for what we wanted, and learned how to accept ‘no’ as an answer sometimes.  As I get older I am starting to struggle with finding the clear line between wants and needs.  At first it was easy, I want candy but I need food.  I want a toy buy I need clothes.  I want to play video games but I need to do my homework.  I want to sleep in but I need to go to work.  But once we get away from the easy stuff, it gets way more complicated.  I want self actualization, or do I need self actualization?  Do I want or need fulfillment?  Do I want or need contentment?  Where do we draw the line.  I would argue that we need companionship, but maybe that’s only true on a case by case basis.  Maybe some people need companionship while others don’t.  Also, it’s easy to identify our wants as material things.  But that is too shallow for my purposes here.  I want to get much deeper than that.  I want to explore where I draw the line between wants and needs.  Maybe that requires more introspection than I’ll dive into here, but at what point does a desire cross from want to need or vice versa?

When I think of the definition of need, I think of it in terms of a requirement for life.  That can open up a whole other can of worms, defining what it means to really be alive, to truly live.  But for now let’s just go with a need being a requirement for basic functioning in one’s everyday existence.  That is probably simple enough yet accurate enough to give context for this external monologue.  So by that definition, I naturally need the basics like food, water, shelter, etc., to survive and function.  But I would suggest that I also need socialization, exercise, mental and emotional decompression, intellectual and emotional stimulation, and a sense of purpose.  Those are the things that I identify as needs in my life, but that is not an all-inclusive list.  I’m sure there are more items to add, but this is a good start.

Wants, conversely, would be those ‘nice to have’ things in life.  Things like modern entertainment, diverse experiences, leisure time, and diverse foods.  While I like beer, and want to have beer in my life, I don’t need beer.  I won’t die, either literally or figuratively, without beer.  The same is true of television, baseball (maybe), a well paying job (as opposed to one that just pays the bills), maybe even indoor plumbing and electricity.  But those wants certainly add enrichment and quality to life as long as they are appreciated as ‘nice to haves’ and not ‘must haves’.

Which brings me to relationships.  I have some deep, meaningful relationships in my life.  While I do believe I have my own personal relationship with the divine, that’s not what I’m talking about here.  I’m talking about interpersonal relationships.  First and foremost is the relationship I have with my wife.  She knows me more intimately than any other.  She has experienced the last 20 years of my life with me.  Second is my children.  They give so much purpose to my life, even though two of the three are adults and married with their own lives and families.  Third is my parents, primarily my mom.  Because of the circumstances of my early childhood, we have a uniquely strong bond.  After that is extended family; aunts and uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc.  Those are, or at least should be, the easy relationships that have some significance in all of our lives.  I know they do in mine.

And then there are my friendships.  Over the years, especially since joining the Army, I’ve struggled to maintain meaningful and lasting friendships.  As time has gone on, I’ve found that I wanted to maintain some of those friendships even though they became long distance.  At first I was unsuccessful in maintaining those friendships.  But at some point I think maintaining friendships ceased to be merely a want and became a need.  I can think of a handful of friendships I’ve tried very hard to maintain over the past few years despite geographic distance separating us.  I’ve had limited success in even maintaining those most precious of friendships.  What I would like to know is why those friendships are so important that I put more effort into them than previous friendships.  I think answering that question will help me clarify what it is that I need and want in terms of my relationships.

More to follow, I’m sure, as I continue this journey of introspection.

Hope Springs Eternal, and other thoughts on my return to the keyboard

It’s been nearly two years since I last took to the keyboard to share what’s on my mind. Much has happened since then. Some of the highlights are that my daughter got married, I met my granddaughter, I sold one house and bought another, and I’m preparing to change careers after devoting 20 years in service to my country. Also, I had the incredibly rewarding experience of hosting an exchange student for nearly a year, there was an entire election cycle to include electing a new President, and I completed two marathons. But there is something else that I’m excited about currently. Every year around this time it happens. The boys of summer emerge from their winter hibernation and return to the verdant green fields of Florida and Arizona to once again bring the eternally springing hope of a new baseball season. For those who haven’t known me for very long, I used to play a myriad of sports growing up. I probably spent the most time playing basketball. And to this day I believe basketball to be the greatest game ever invented. But baseball is more than that. Baseball is perfect. Sixty feet six inches from the pitching rubber to home plate. Ninety feet between bases. Three strikes and you’re out. Three outs per half inning. Nine innings in a standard regulation game. Nine players in the field. Change any of those dynamics and you irreversibly alter the game. I love football, and I love my teams. But baseball runs through my blood. And I believe it runs through the bloodstream of our American consciousness too. This is clearly evident in our lexicon. For example, phrases like “Bill really knocked it out of the park with his presentation.” “Dude, you totally struck out with that girl.” “Julie’s random comment sure came out of left field.” We talk about life throwing us curve-balls. We even named a debilitating disease after a famous baseball player, Lou Gehrig’s Disease or ALS. Other sports and games use baseball references too, such as the World Series of Poker. Or go to Denny’s for breakfast and you can get one of several Grand Slams.

As the Spring Training workouts get underway, and hope springs eternal for the millions of fans across the country and around the world, I feel it is appropriate for me to also get in on the act of renewal. Writing is a therapeutic outlet for me. I’ve ignored it for too long. So tonight I begin a new season in the spirit of baseball starting anew as well. There’s many topics I want to explore, including politics, Army life, family life, running, whatever current events happen to be shaping our public discourse, and – of course – baseball.

Stay tuned!

Mother’s Day; with an aside regarding the PATRIOT ACT

Greetings and Happy Mother’s Day!

I’ve been thinking about the word ‘sacrifice’ lately, especially as it applies to mothers. I know in my own life I’ve seen so many moms sacrifice their own well-being and priorities for the sake of their children. Some are young women who sacrifice their plans for their futures so their child can have opportunities to excel; others are experienced mothers who run themselves ragged to have a career and take care of their kids. My own mother has done a bit of everything. At first she put everything else aside to be a mother to her new baby. As conditions changed and she had to adapt, she uprooted her life to get a job to provide for her two young sons. Over the years she has frequently dropped everything to make sure the needs of my brother, my sister, and I were met. Never once have I heard her complain about taking care of us. To the contrary, she has rearranged her entire life several times to make sure us kids had what we needed. Some of my favorite memories are of my high school track meets when she would be there at the far corner calling off my splits or giving me form cues. She didn’t have to do that. It wasn’t even a big sacrifice. But I rarely saw other parents there, let alone a parent down at the track. Then there’s the teaching. Not every mom takes the time to teach her children how to cook, how to take care of a household, or how to throw a spiral. But my mom did.

The three of us kids have all challenged her in our own ways. But mom has kept her poise and some shred of sanity through it all. I’m lucky to have her and blessed to be in a position to help take care of her. Thanks mom for teaching me how to work and how to love.

Happy Mother’s Day.

——-

Last week a Federal Appeals Court ruled that the NSA is acting outside the law in collecting and storing communications metadata of Americans in the United States. The current public perception of the USA PATRIOT Act, the official title of which is the Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism Act of 2001, seems to focus almost exclusively on the NSA wiretapping issue. While that is not an accurate reflection of reality, public perception often drives political decisions. A family member recently claimed that we have “the lying conservatives” to thank for the USA PATRIOT Act. I find that assertion to be laughably blind to recent history. First, the Act passed the Senate 98-1 and the House 357-66. Every subsequent re-authorization had to have bipartisan support to survive.

The numbers of the vote breakdowns follow (source: Congressional Record):
Only Russ Feingold (D-WI) voted against, while Mary Landrieu (D-LA) did not vote. The other 48 Democrats, the 1 Independent, and the 49 Republicans voted for it. The Senate makeup at the time was D-50, R-49, I-1. In 2006 the Act was re-authorized by another huge majority, 89-10, with 1 abstention (Inouye (D-HI)). The Senate balance at the time of that vote was D-44 (including then Senator Barak Obama-who voted yes), R-55, I-1. The House vote in 2001 went as follows: Republicans Yes: 211, No: 3, not voting: 5. Democrats: Yes: 145, No: 62, not voting: 4. Independents were split 1-1. For the re-authorization in 2006 the House went: R: 214-13-3, D: 66-124-11, I: 1 x No. Finally, in 2011, the Senate voted 72-23 (D: 30, R: 41 (48 yeas required to pass) with 5 not voting) to again renew the Act. That renewal was sponsored by Mary Landrieu (D-LA) who, as you recall, did not vote on the original bill in 2001. The house vote two weeks later required a vote of 202 in favor to pass. 196 Republicans and 54 Democrats voted yes to extend the Act. All these numbers show that the measure would not have passed authorization or re-authorization without bipartisan support, at least according to the numbers from the Congressional Record. So the contention that we have the Act thanks to “the lying conservatives” does not pass the history test.

If I haven’t lost you yet in the numbers, then you see the partisan duplicity and blindness of such a specious claim. The Act isn’t just about ‘wiretaps’, nor was it the product of “lying conservatives”. According to my own summary of the US Department of Justice website, the Act streamlined investigative processes and reduces bureaucratic red tape between agencies, thereby allowing our law enforcement agencies to better collaborate their detection and prevention efforts.

All that being said, I do have some serious misgivings about how provisions of the Act are being misused and/or abused. The thing about Constitutional protections are that they are designed to apply to Americans only. I don’t care one iota if our intelligence and law enforcement systems aren’t respecting the electronic privacy of non-citizens. I care a great deal when the target is an American. It is my opinion that the time is long overdue to re-tool the provisions of the Act in order to strengthen protections of civil liberties. Both parties have had opportunities to do so, but both parties continue to play politics with our security and our liberties. I suggest that we question the current two-party loyalties and hold individuals accountable for what is right, regardless of party. If only we all had the maturity to see past party lines and look at what is real.

Back in the desert

Greetings again. It’s been a while, but I’m back in the desert. This time I’m in Kuwait for several months, focusing on bolstering the Iraqi security forces and preparing future sets of advisors for that mission. I’ve been here just over a week and am pretty well settled in. I’ve got a room with a bunk bed, but no roommate for now. I’ve got a workspace where I can keep up with the mission requirements. I’m in contact with most of the people that have either access to the information I need to be successful, or the information itself. Add in three square meals a day, a gym to lift in, roads and a track to run on, and I’m pretty well set. There’s even a pool, at least four different coffee stands – including a Starbucks, and plenty of internet access. All in all not too bad.

The terrain here is pretty flat and dusty/sandy. There are trees taller than me in places, but not very many. The overwhelming majority of items taller than me are either manmade or mankind. It’s most noticeable when I go outside in the mornings and can look directly at the sun through the haze of blowing dust.

I recently had the opportunity to spend a few hours in Kuwait City. This is not typical, but still an opportunity I intend to create or sieze several times between now and returning to the States. The first stop I made in the city was the beach. I had never seen the Persian Gulf before, but now I have. Then I went to a shopping mall, which was very western and modern. Actually, it had several high-end stores that I would not usually be able to afford to shop in. Then I walked around the city and stopped at a local chain restaurant and had a fantastic dinner with chicken, hummus, yogurt with cucumber, and flatbread. The I drove around the city some more before making my way back to the base. I intend to have pictures included in this post, assuming I’m technologically literate enough to figure it out. If you look closely at the photo with the power lines, you should be able to see camels.

Before I left I mentioned the liklihood of going to Baghdad. That is still a strong likelihood, but it may be for extended visits. The work environment here is very political and with that comes decisions that don’t always make sense to the people they effect. In order to be truly effective in serving the purpose of my being here, I really should be in Baghdad. However, the situation in Kuwait is such that I don’t expect a full-time move up there for at least another month or two. Still, I should be able to go north for visits which will greatly augment the work I’m doing here in Kuwait. Time will tell.

More to follow next week!

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Deployment Update 12 – Summary

Now that I’m on my way home and this deployment is drawing to a close, I want to summarize this deployment and recap some highlights and lowlights, as well as share some lessons learned. Probably my favorite aspect of this deployment was building relationships. Deploying as a combat advisor working with the Afghan National Army (ANA) was a unique opportunity to have a direct impact on the future of a nation. Also, it allowed me to make friendships that I would not have otherwise made. Between the ANA guys and the linguists we worked with, I was able to learn about and share in the culture of a historic land and people. One moment that really captured this point was at the end of Ramadan when I was at the ANSF headquarters for Khost province and the ANSF staff there invited me to break the fast with them. Sitting with officers from all of the ANSF pillars, eating a traditional Afghan meal in the Afghan style (sitting on the floor eating with my hands) really encapsulated my participation and understanding of the Afghan culture, especially their hospitality. Another highlight is the morale aspects that I took advantage of. All the cardio training I did helped keep my sane and doing CrossFit helped me get stronger. Every Friday night in the chow hall was movie night with cake and ice cream. Rarely did I have cake, but pretty much every week I had ice cream. Saturday nights the ‘bad movie club’ met in the MWR movie room and we would watch some horribly bad movies; movies like ‘Attack of the Killer Tomatoes’ or ‘Nazis at the Center of the Earth’. Doing fun things like that gave me something to look forward to in the short term, which helped make the time pass more quickly. Then there was the food. For Army chow our food was excellent. Almost every breakfast I was able to have egg whites scrambled, turkey links, oatmeal with raisins and honey, and some sort of fruit. Often the fruit was fresh locally grown produce, which made it even better. Then on Saturdays for lunch we had burgers, actual ground beef burgers, grilled outside on a real grill. Sundays followed with steak and crab legs, and while I don’t eat crab legs the steak was usually pretty good. But this deployment had some lowlights too. Sure, we didn’t really have much in the way of contact with the enemy, but that wasn’t our job anyway. Probably the most challenging aspect of this deployment was dealing with the ignorance and cultural callousness of the US units, especially the last unit we dealt with. 4th Brigade, 101st Airborne (Air Assault) out of Fort Campbell Kentucky, and especially their Cavalry squadron, 1-61 CAV, is probably the singularly worst unit I have ever seen in the Army. That includes Guard and Reserve component units too. From an absence of any sort of standards or discipline to an inability to plan their way out of a paper bag, that unit was ineffective at every task they set out to accomplish. Thankfully the brigade is disbanding after they get back from this deployment early in 2014. And the worst part is that most of the Soldiers are good people just trying to do their jobs, but the mid level leadership either doesn’t care or doesn’t know how to lead. Even the 1-61 squadron command team ignored standards. Every day in the gym the squadron commander was out of uniform. The CSM, a nice guy on a personal level, appeared to be significantly overweight. When I would make corrections I would be given a hard time. After the first two months of making literally a dozen corrections or more a day, I realized that my efforts were falling on deaf ears. Nobody cared about doing the right thing, and that is the worst part of all. But this lack of care and this ignorance also effected our mission as advisors. The randomly changing security requirements/restrictions made the relatively basic task of going over to the ANA side a daily adventure. Not because of any potential threat on the part of the ANA, but because we never knew what new conditions the US unit would put on us before we could go out of the US gate. When we left Camp Clark a few days ago, I was so thankful to finally be done dealing with that unit. Despite the challenges that we had to unneccessarily face, I learned a few things that I plan to take back to Fort Polk too. Probably the biggest lesson I can impart on future advisors is the importance of developing relationships. The ANA guys that I spent the most time with, the S2 shop and the medics, absolutely loved us. So much emphasis is put on guarding against insider attacks. That’s the big focus in the news and in training. But, in my opinion, the best and most effective prevention measure is developing quality relationships with your advised counterparts. We got to the point where our ANA guys were very protective of us. They would tell guys from other units that nobody was allowed to mess with their advisors without risking their own well being. Developing the kind of relationship to where the ANA guys are your first line of defense, and willingly so, is the best defense against any potential insider attack. The next lesson I would impart is that just because we do things a certain way doesn’t mean that someone else does too. For example, in the US Army we conduct very detailed mission planning. But in the ANA many of the mission details are kept only within the command chain without much staff awareness or input. It’s not that this is a ‘wrong’ way of doing things, it’s just different than the way we do them. So having patience with these differences will go a long way toward being able to advise without making ANSF into the US military. Instead we as advisors need to focus on how to help them be more effective while doing things their own way. This requires lots of dialogue, patience, and a trusting relationship. Without those three aspects we cannot be successful as advisors. In about 10 days or so I should be home. I know my family will be glad to have me back, and I’ll be glad to be back with them. And I’m looking forward to seeing my friends again too. Sometimes we take for granted simple things like toilets that are designed to actually flush away waste, or tap water that you can drink, or being able to do your own laundry without it taking four hours (I’m typing this while waiting for my laundry to finish). Sure, this was a rewarding experience both personally and professionally. And I’m glad I volunteered to go on this deployment. But I’m very much looking forward to returning to the USA. Next big thing for me is my promotion board for Major that meets this fall. Hopefully all goes well and I get picked up. That will go a long way toward me realizing some of my personal and professional goals before I retire.

Deployment Update #11- Regional Geopolitical Overview and the Future of Afghanistan

Afghanistan is a nation historically known for being at the center of intercontinental trade. Most recently Afghanistan finds itself at the center of a protracted and complicated international struggle. There are several issues internal to Afghanistan that are at odds or are contributing to the complex problems. Factors like government corruption, insurgent groups, tribal factions, and economic disparity are enough to challenge the management skills of any political or business leader. Add to that mix the external factors such as the influences of Pakistan, Iran, America, and China and it’s no wonder that progress is so slow to materialize.

 

Historically Afghanistan is known for two things, being at the center of the famed ‘Silk Road’ – the primary trade route between Europe and the Orient; and for it’s turbulent military and political landscape. Dating all the way back to the days of Alexander the Great, empires have initially conquered governments in this region, only to succumb to inevitable defeat at the hands of time, logistical complexities, and a people who are very patient and very proud.

 

INTERNAL FACTORS

Within Afghanistan there are many factors influencing the ever-present power struggles. Historically speaking, factors such as geography, religion, tribal diversity, and natural resources have always influenced Afghan quality of life and politics. Currently other factors such as the current government, the various insurgent groups opposing the government (or replacing it with their own shadow government), local populations and their tribal loyalties, and a myriad of economic factors (currency, poppies, education, mining) all contribute to a very complex domestic dynamic.

 

The Government of the Islamic Republic of Afghanistan (GIROA) is a piecemeal entity with no real sense of direction. The perception among the general population is that GIROA officials in Kabul, the capitol, are so corrupt and disconnected from the realities of everyday life that they are the problem rather than the solution. The locals and Afghan Soldiers that I talk too all see their national leadership as greedy, tribalist, self-serving, and corrupt to the point of diverting most of any foreign aid to their own pockets. This perception is also largely true at the provincial levels where the governors are seen as manipulating the conditions toward their own financial gain. Even within the various pillars of the Afghan National Security Forces (ANSF) there is a general acceptance and recognition of widespread corruption. Embezzlement, murder, treason, bribery, inter-departmental feuding, tribal loyalties, and ethnic biases all contribute to the banditry that passes for the Afghan security apparatus. Yet despite all the corruption, frequently ANSF is able to work together to accomplish their tactical objectives for any given mission.

 

Of course the enemy always gets a vote too. Nothing in combat operations, or an insurgency, happens in a vacuum. This kind of conflict is an unending series of action, reaction, and counter-reaction; often with the population as the target of propaganda promulgated by both sides. Unfortunately it is not merely a war of words. Rockets, roadside bombs, suicide bombers, vehicles filled with explosives, mortars, machine guns, and even small arms are used every day in attempts by one side to kill the other; all so either side can further manipulate the local population to support their side by demonstrating superior strength and resolve. There are several insurgent groups active in Afghanistan, the most infamous being the Taliban. But there is also the insurgent network supported by the Haqqani family from Pakistan, the Hizb-e-Islami Gulbuddin (HiG), Taj Mir Jawad network, among others. Each region seems to have it’s own unique small insurgent group competing with the larger networks like Taliban and Haqqani.

 

Another significant internal factor is the economy. Within the broad scope of the Afghan economy are several sub-factors such as the state of the Afghani currency, the annual poppy harvest, mining, and education. Several different currencies are floating throughout the banks in Afghanistan. Between the US Dollar, the Pakistani Rupee, the Iranian Rial, and the Chinese Yuan, there is much competition for the fledgeling Afghani, which is just trying to survive. Having a strong national currency will go a long way toward helping the people of Afghanistan feel like their nation is strong enough to stand on it’s own. Historically one of the most reliable sources of income in the rural areas has been the poppy harvest and the subsequent opium trade; despite it being illegal and therefore untaxed income because it is kept under the table. But with the international political pressure to reduce the supply of illegal narcotics, to include heroin, many poppy fields are burned to stem the flow of opium flowing into the illicit drug markets. Unfortunately this also costs many Afghan farmers their livelihood and serves to help keep the economy depressed. Another natural resource that could boost the Afghan economy is the mining of natural resources like copper. But instead of an Afghan company owning and working the copper mines, the rights were sold to the Chinese and now Afghanistan is not able to fully reap the benefits of their own natural resources. But this inability to take advantage of the natural gifts of the land is a direct result of the state of education. While the major cities of Kabul and Kandahar have decent education systems, most of the country’s children are stuck in the cycle of sacrificing technical education to work the family business. Or worse, they get stuck attending a madrassa that only teaches religious studies without any coverage of math or the hard sciences. This perpetuates generation after generation of poorly educated citizens that lack the technical expertise or even the ability to learn the skills required to domesticate the industries currently contracted beyond Afghanistan’s borders. When the nation fails to produce it’s own geologists, who can the government trust to safely and effectively mine resources but the underbidding foreign companies?

 

Adding complexity to the already difficult domestic situation are the geography, religious climate, and cultural diversity and related prejudices. Geographically the country is a large mountain range surrounded by a ring of cities and towns scattered throughout more diverse terrain ranging from smaller mountain ranges to desert plains. Religiously the country is staunchly Muslim. But most of the rural population is not literate enough to learn the Qur’an for themselves so people have to trust the words of their Mullahs and Imams. The inherent risk there is that, as with any position of power, those with the power are subject to human nature and the greed and corruption that can often follow. Within the ANSF one of the most important factors is the cultural diversity and the accompanying prejudices. There are several ethnic groups who all have to work together but they all have their biases. Pashto speakers don’t like Dari/Farsi speakers. Hazarras, Uzbeks, Tajiks, and other non-Pashtuns get picked on by the Pashtuns. This longstanding bitterness stems from invasions centuries ago by those other tribes into Pashtun lands that were repelled, but the people who stayed behind were welcomed into Pashtun society. However, old tribal loyalties trumped new citizenship and the ethnic minorities often served the interests of their ancestral homes as opposed to their adopted one. At least that is the reality from the Pashtun perspective. But in non-Pashtun areas the roles are reversed. These cultural prejudices, linguistic prejudices, and tribal loyalties prevent Afghans from developing the sense of nationalism that most westerners have come to take for granted.

 

EXTERNAL FACTORS

Given the complex internal issues competing within Afghanistan it is no surprise that the country is in a near constant state of turmoil. Yet there are also several external factors making things even more complicated. Not only is there the current American/UN/NATO involvement, but Russia is still a lingering influence along with Iran. But no foreign power has more influence or is closer to the tip of any Afghan’s tongue than Pakistan.

 

For most westerners the most relevant external factor in Afghanistan is the American influence. Between American military presence being the prime crutch that ANSF leans on, American dollars being the backing behind the Afghan economy, and American political influence maintaining some semblance of stability in Kabul, it is very hard to imagine any sort of modern Afghanistan without constant and immediate American involvement in nearly every aspect. American helicopters striking fear into the hearts of insurgents, as well as shuttling wounded Afghans to the nearest medical treatment facility is something every single Afghan I’ve spoken with fears will go away after 2014.

 

No Asian country is without some form of Russian influence. The Bear that takes up so much space and natural resources naturally commands a certain amount of respect. This is especially true in Afghanistan where the Russians spent a decade of blood and treasure attempting to preserve a regime that would promote and perpetuate Soviet influence in southern Asia. Plus Afghanistan was a bordering nation of the USSR and a natural wedge between Iran and Pakistan, two influential states that successfully resisted Soviet control. Many of the senior leaders within ANSF and the Afghan population as a whole remember the Soviet occupation and this memory serves to inform many of their expectations of the American influence on the Islamic government they are trying to establish and perpetuate in Kabul. Even now, due to their status as a permanent voting member of the UN Security Council, Russia has a very direct say in certain aspects of Afghan policy. Additionally their geographic proximity and their seeming endless black market influence both keep Russia constantly involved in the inner workings of Afghan economics and politics, as well as that of most of the rest of Asia.

 

Any discussion of foreign influence within Afghanistan would not be complete without mentioning Britain. Having gone to war in Afghanistan on three separate occasions, as well as being the European arbiter of the current political divisions, British influence is readily seen. The current border between Afghanistan and Pakistan, the Durand Line, is a product of British and Indian diplomacy that is still in effect today. Because Afghans have a long memory and an appreciation for history, there is much mistrust of Britain within Afghanistan despite the last Anglo-Afghan war lasting five months (April through August) in 1919.

 

Iran is one of two complex Islamic states that have a vested interest in the future of Afghanistan. Both nations share the Dari/Farsi language and an Islamist government. But Iran is 90% Shia while Afghanistan is roughly 80% Sunni. Also Iran is mostly ethnically Persian while Afghanistan is mostly ethnically Pashtun. Also Iran and Pakistan geographically seal Afghanistan off from access to the Arabian Gulf and any possibility of having any sort of sea based trade because they can’t have a deep water port. Because Iran is one of a several exporters of goods to Afghanistan, their economy is partially tied to that of Afghanistan. On the security side, competing factions within Iran (on one side the fundamentalists loyal to the Mullahs, and the other side the capitalists) compete for influence on the Afghan side of the border. Unfortunately part of that competition involves elements in Iran providing weapons, ammunition, and in some cases fighters to attack ANSF and NATO troops in an effort to keep the security situation near the border unstable, which then perpetuates a dependence on Iranian trade instead of self sufficient Afghan production.

 

The same issue is one of the factors for Pakistan. Pakistani currency and goods are commonly found throughout eastern Afghanistan and even in the capital city of Kabul. Should Afghanistan become secure enough and strong enough to produce their own crops and consumer goods, the market for Pakistani products would be much smaller and therefore would have a significantly negative impact on Pakistan’s economy. Another factor contributing to the complexity of the Pakistan problem is India. Pakistan has no desire to be wedged between two strong powers. Among the Afghan population there is a strong sense of friendship toward India. Should Afghanistan become completely independent and strong and decide to ally themselves with India, Pakistan would then be surrounded by adversarial nations, one of whom is a nuclear power. So from a security standpoint it would appear to be in Pakistan’s best interest to prevent Afghanistan from growing into a formidable opponent either by stunting Afghan growth or by sabotaging Afghan/Indian relations. It would seem to be much easier in the near term to aid in perpetuating an insecure and unstable Afghanistan. Of course not all elements within Pakistan are united in that goal. I could write volumes on the complexities and nuances of politics in Pakistan. But for this work we’ll just stick to the divisions within the Pakistani Inter-Services Intelligence (ISI), the military leadership, the political leadership, the religious leadership, and the under-governed tribal regions. Some factions within ISI, as mentioned above, fear a strong Afghanistan while other factions see Afghans as brothers, kindred Muslims who should be a natural ally. The military leadership doesn’t want to have to worry about strong forces on both sides of the country given the ongoing dispute with India over the Kashmir region. The religious leadership would like nothing more than to see a reunification of the region under one big Islamic umbrella. Politicians in Pakistan, as with politicians everywhere, can’t seem to agree on much of anything. But one thing they seem to share common ground on is a desire to prevent any expiration of the Durand Line. The Durand Line established what is the current Afghan-Pakistan border as part of a Memorandum of Understanding between the British government and that of India in 1893. Subsequent treaties have reaffirmed the Durand Line as the defacto international border despite the current Afghan leadership claims that the line was never recognized by Afghanistan or that it should have expired after 100 years, in 1993. Unfortunately the line politically divided Pashtun tribal lands and split the tribes onto both sides of the border, as well as the same for Baloch and other ethnic groups indigenous tribes. Removal of the line and establishing a border where the current Afghan government claims it should be would severely reduce Pakistani territory, give Afghanistan it’s own coast access and deep water port, and significantly curtail Pakistan’s tax revenue base. After 120 years of border status-quo Pakistan has no desire whatsoever to turn back the clock and cede roughly half of their territory, roughly half their access to the Arabian Sea, and a significant portion of their population just so Afghanistan can become stronger and thereby further reduce Pakistan’s economic strength.

 

Given all these complicated and competing external factors influencing Afghanistan, along with all the aforementioned internal issues, one could make a convincing argument for why the insurgency will succeed. But one could also make a convincing argument for why the insurgency will fail. Ultimately it comes down to the political will of the Afghan population.

 

WHY THE INSURGENCY WILL SUCCEED

Rampant corruption throughout GIROA will continue to plague the government’s legitimacy in the eyes of the people. One thing the insurgency does very well is promulgate their information operations campaign capitalizing on the frequent fraudulence and abuses within GIROA. While the government runs very patriotic and values based advertisements on television, the Taliban spokesman is on Twitter lambasting the government at every opportunity for it’s many abuses and inconsistencies; and those opportunities arise several times a day.

 

Traditionally the Afghan people side with whomever they perceive to be the strongest and therefore most likely to secure political power for themselves; whether that is the Soviet occupation, the brutal Taliban of the 1990s, the technologically superior American military, or the new Taliban focused on providing more effective and equitable governance. There are frequent rumors of local GIROA officials turning to the Taliban shadow government when disputes arise that the official bureaucracy can’t effectively resolve.

 

Not only is governance sometimes too bogged down by bureaucracy, but even ANSF frequently can’t seem to master fundamentals like logistics and personnel. Then there’s the corruption of military leadership. I’ve heard stories of Afghan Army leaders, generals and colonels, misreporting resource expenditures and diverting things like fuel and firewood to sell it on the open market and pocket the proceeds. This type of practice is an unfortunate necessity when leadership positions are allocated by the highest bidder. Rumor has it that a battalion command costs roughly $30,000 US, and a brigade command roughly $100,000. Naturally families with money also produce the confidence, and sometimes arrogance, that will breed a moderately effective leader. But ideally those positions should be filled based on merit, not based on tribal loyalties, ethnic loyalties, or for profit. All this practice does is perpetuate corruption, and the junior Soldiers and leaders see it. The young generation within ANSF are still idealistic enough to believe in a military or police meritocracy. They have a stronger sense of nationalism. They are more willing to put aside the tribal, ethnic, or linguistic prejudices of their parents generation and work toward the common good. But the corruption at the senior levels is crushing that spirit, which will allow the insurgency to appear to be the most attractive alternative. Recruitment is low across ANSF, in large part because there is little faith in the senior leadership. Who wants to put their life on the line and possibly die working for someone who steals a few percent of their paycheck every month in order to remain in power? What kind of trust does that engender with the rank and file? When the insurgency offers a better alternative – more security, better governance, and the appearance of equitable justice – the population at large will naturally throw their support behind legitimizing the insurgency and their ascension to power.

 

WHY THE INSURGENCY WILL LOSE

Perceptions go a long way in politics, and GIROA still gives the perception of strength and power. The ability to broadcast through traditional media the themes and messages favorable to GIROA conveys a message of strength and competence. This perception of popular support naturally engenders more support because everyone wants to be associated with a winner. Projecting prosperity and confidence sends the message that the government is a winner.

 

Related to that theme of being a winner and having popular support is reinforced by the tactical superiority of ANSF. Despite all the corruption and logistical challenges, ANSF is still able to defeat insurgent forces in traditional conflict. Insurgent forces fear ANSF and will not directly engage because their firepower is inferior to that of ANSF. This military superiority, however tenuous, also projects strength which, as discussed above, goes a very long way with the Afghan masses.

 

Money talks, this is a universal truth. In the case of Afghanistan the government has the money, or at least they get large quantities from America and the UN. While the Taliban and other insurgent groups are funded from foreign donations and illicit trade, GIROA gets billions of dollars annually in official foreign aid, plus material support in the form of military equipment, agricultural equipment, foreign investment, and diplomatic cooperation. This wealth and perception of international legitimacy is a common image displayed to the Afghan people, and therefore a powerful force for bolstering the image of GIROA as a winner and worthy of popular support.

 

Perhaps the biggest missed opportunities on the part of GIROA are the civilian casualties inflicted by insurgent military actions. Few things can erode the perception of a caring government like when that entity kills innocent women and children. For example, earlier this summer a suicide bomber was targeting a joint ANSF/US patrol in Kabul. But the bomber, in an attempt to maximize the effect of the explosive device, also killed dozens of civilians, to include at least 9 children. If GIROA can use instances like this to portray the insurgent factions as uncaring and as monsters, that Afghan children are not safe with these factions in existence let alone in power, then GIROA will be able to defeat the insurgency because no sane population group would willingly and knowingly support their own extermination.

 

CONCLUSION

As in any insurgency, the deciding factor is political will. Ultimately whomever can co-opt the preponderance of political will is the entity which will secure control of Afghanistan’s future. GIROA can do it if they can effectively eschew the rampant corruption and put aside their long held prejudices long enough to effectively govern. If GIROA can provide equitable governance and a lasting security for the people, then the people will unequivocally support them. But if the Taliban continues to have success in undermining GIROA governance and security efforts, then the current manifestation of GIROA will be replaced by the Taliban version of a benevolent Emirate.

 

MY PREDICTION

This is the section where I get to express my opinions on where I think Afghanistan is headed and why, as well as what I think about those reasons why. Be prepared for a significant amount of expressed disgust.

 

Two factors drive my conclusion that the Taliban will return to power after 2014. First is the inability of GIROA to curtail their corruption, and the second is an abject lack of American political leadership, vision, or will.

 

I think that the deeply entrenched corruption will be too much for GIROA to overcome and the Taliban will effectively form an alliance of local shadow governments, allowing them to return to power on the national level. However I do not believe that it will be the same brutal regime that we saw prior to November 2001 for two reasons. One is that the new Taliban is already showing the ability to effectively govern and a transition away from hardline fundamentalist Islam. They have done things like civil works projects and opening schools, to include schools for girls, as well as settle tribal disputes through application of mutually acceptable justice and courts. The second reason involves, of all things, the Boston Marathon. When the Tsarnaev brothers bombed the finish of the Boston Marathon the Taliban was very quick to point out that they had absolutely nothing to do with it and no association with the brothers. They publicly acknowledged that they did not want to relive the resounding defeat they suffered in 2001 & 2002. According to reflections of hindsight within the Taliban, there was not a consensus on the tactics employed both domestically and internationally. It seems as though there were elements within the Taliban who found no future in the brutality and terrorism espoused by Osama bin Laden and Mullah Omar. But those voices of dissent were silenced whenever they spoke up, so people holding those views quickly learned to keep their opinions to themselves in order to survive. But now those more progressive views are the dominant political ideology within the Taliban, and I think this will allow them to secure popular support and unseat the current manifestation of GIROA.

 

But the road is not fraught with peril. Because American and other western political leadership is so risk averse, so afraid of the political damage at home that loss of life can bring, there is no strong message of resolve to secure Afghanistan and see the admittedly misguided foray into nation-building through to a successful conclusion, let alone clearly define what a successful conclusion would look like. There is no political emphasis on defining and achieving any sort of measurable victory in Afghanistan. There is only political posturing to secure a legacy of being on the right side of history. It seems to me that no politicians care about actual outcomes, they only care about the perceptions that will secure power and votes for themselves. They are so afraid of taking a principled stand on Afghanistan, or most any other issue for that matter, that they fail to actually lead and instead are continually campaigning. This is my perception of both major American political parties and nearly every politician associated with them. There is a stark lack of vision and leadership when it comes to western policy toward Afghanistan, and the local Afghans see that as a sign of apathy and/or weakness. This lack of vision and leadership is most evident in how the military withdrawal is being managed and what is driving the decisions along the way. There is no talk among the political and senior military leadership of setting conditions for future Afghan success, merely making sure we meet an arbitrary timeline. There are no consequences or incentives for ISAF related to actually achieving any measure of improved security or governance. At the end of 2014 American combat forces will no longer operate in Afghanistan regardless of the conditions. The nation could revert back to bitter tribal civil war and still nothing would change the political drive to leave. What angers me the most about this is that so many lives have been lost and so much treasure spent here, all for it to be thrown away because American politicians care more about their next campaign, their perceived legacy, or their personal financial backing more than they care about actually doing what is right.

 

So the Afghan populous knows they are on their own, and while they still hope for American involvement to help ensure their physical and fiscal security, they are coming to grips with the reality and aligning themselves with whomever they feel will ensure their own survival.

 

Deployment Update #10 – Prayer

Today was the first day in a month that I got to eat an actual breakfast.  Scrambled eggs with salsa, vegetable hash, oatmeal with raisins & honey.  Good stuff.  Now that Ramadan has ended, so too has my deployment focus on my spiritual life.  The last two weeks have been devoted to the one area I struggle the most with by far, prayer.  I started off by reading a book called “The Power of a Praying Husband” which was nice and informative, but really didn’t get at what I wanted to know.  My big issue with prayer has always been a lack of sense that my prayers were worth listening to.  Cognitively I know that God hears my prayers when they come from the heart.  But for some reason I’ve never felt worthy of having them heard, so I rarely prayed.  I’m not saying that the last two weeks of study is going to change that by itself, either.  But at least I’ve taken the first step toward accepting in my heart that my prayers are worthwhile.

The Bible is full of guidance on prayer; how, when, to whom, what kind, and even gives examples.  Prayer is an individual’s direct link with God, kind of like a secure line that even the NSA can’t tap; at least not yet.  

So when should we pray?  In I Thessalonians 5:17 we are told to pray without ceasing.  Daniel prayed three times a day, and was even cast into a den of lions because of it (Daniel chapter 6). Other references talk about praying morning, noon, and night.

What kinds of prayers should we pray?  Do all our prayers need to be long and drawn out expositions on all that is on our minds?  While there is certainly nothing wrong with sharing everything on your mind, the bible does give guidance on how to pray and what to pray for.  The most famous example of how to pray is the Lord’s Prayer (Mat 6:5-15 & Luke 11:1-4).  This is an outline that Christ gives in which we are to humble ourselves before God, submit our will to His, ask for forgiveness (and give thanks) , ask for our needs to be provided for (this is where we bring our needs and wants to Him, to include praying on behalf of others), and to ask in Christ’s name.

What should we pray for?  Going all the way back to the days of Moses, we see in Numbers where he prayed for the people.  In I Sam 7:5-6 Samual led Israel in prayer and fasting for the forgiveness of their sins.  And throughout the Old Testament there are prayers asking for God’s mercy and deliverance, as well as prayers for peace and of repentance.  In Matthew 5:43-48 Christ tells us to pray for our enemies and those who hate us even more than those whom we love.  In Matthew 26:36 we learn that Christ prayed three times for His own submission to God’s will in advance of His arrest, torture, and crucifixion.  In I Timothy 2:1-8 we are told that we should pray for all people.  So our prayers can run the gammut of praying for our own needs, praying for our enemies, praying for strength and vision to see and honor God’s will above our own, forgiveness, mercy, and intercession (praying for the needs and welfare of others).  

It probably goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway, that when we pray we should be sincere and coming from a place of humility without being judgemental or boastful.  In Luke 18:9-14 Christ tells us to not compare ourselves and our prayers with anyone else.  He also instructs us to pray from the heart, not with empty words or meaningless repetition.

How do we know that God will hear and hopefully answer our prayers?  In I John 3:22 we are told that God hears and answers our prayers when we love Him, and we show we love Him by keeping His commands.  This theme is repeating in I John 5:3.

Here’s what I take away from all this and how I apply it to my own prayer life.  If I make a daily effort to keep God’s commands, namely to love Him and to love others as myself, then God will be open to hearing and answering my prayers.  And it’s okay if I don’t feel worthy of being heard, that just means that I have a humble heart.  But that doesn’t excuse me from praying.  I need to make time daily to have a converstation with God.  Even if I don’t want or need anything, there are people in my life who do and they can benefit from my prayers.

Hopefully the lessons I’ve learned over the last month of study and fasting will stick and I can be a better husband, father, and Christian.  It’s not always easy, often it’s easy to get caught up in what I want and forget to put the needs of others before myself.  And I expect that I will still struggle with developing healthier patterns of behavior.  But if I keep plugging away, every day making a new effort to be the best me I can be, then I should be able to look back on my life without regret and in the hopes that God will say to me “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

Deployment Update #9

Since the days of Moses the Judeo-Christian world has engaged in the practice of fasting.  In the JudeoChristian tradition a fast typically involved abstaining from consuming food or drink for a period beginning at sunset of one day and ending at sunset the next day.  In the Muslim tradition a fast starts at first light and ends at sunset, but still involves refraining from consuming any food or drink during that time.  In Leviticus 16:29-34 and again in chapter 23:26-32 we see an annual fast commanded for God’s people with the intent of atoning for our sins.  This annual fast is called the Day of Atonement.  When we look at that word, atonement, we can easily derive it’s meaning.  Breaking it down, at-onement, we see that fasting is designed to return us to being more at one with God.  The bible has plenty of guidance on how to fast, especially in terms of the proper mindset we should have, as well as the reasons for fasting.  Just going chronologically through the Old Testamament, in 2 Samuel 12:16-23 we see that David fasted as part of his appeal to God for His healing of David’s son.  In Ezra 8:21-23 we learn that fasting brings us humbly before God.  Isaiah chapter 58 describes the proper motivation for fasting as not to manipulate others or seek our own desires, but instead to humble ourselves before God and open ourselves to God’s will.  Other Old Testament references to fasting include: direction that fasts are solemn occasions (Joel 1:14), and that sincere fasting & humility is heard and seen by God (Jonah 3:5-10).  In the New Testament we read about how fasting is a private matter, not something to be boasted about publicly (Mat. 6:16-18), and that those who humble themselves to God will be exalted by Him (Luke 18:12-14).  

Even Christ fasted as we see in Matthew 4:1-11 and in Luke 4:1-13.  Which raises another question.  Why, if Christ is the son of God, would He need to fast?  When we look at the context of his fast, he was preparing for Satan’s attempts to tempt Christ.  So Christ fasted to make sure He was at one with His father, thus helping him answer Satan’s attempts at temptation.

So what does this all mean for me today?  What lessons can I learn from this wealth of biblical guidance on fasting?  First, the focus of my fast, the reason for my fast, needs to be to draw closer to God and be more in tune with His will.  It is very easy for me to get caught up in what I want and pursuing my own agenda.  Sometimes I lose sight of my place in relation to God’s will.  Instead I need to take advantage of the fast to put my own will behind God’s will.  Better yet, I should adjust my will to come in line with God’s will.  My next question then is how do I know what God’s will is?  While I don’t necessarily have a very good direct answer to that question, I can at least infer that if I am humble and do my best to follow God’s commands, His plan for me will be revealed – at least in part.  Of course my faith and my understanding of scripture and God’s overall plan will inform my perception of God’s will in terms of my life.  Another lesson that I learn every time I fast is one of humility.  Our human condition is one of frailty.  Going without food or drink all day long significantly limits my ability to function under certain conditions, especially combat conditions in the Afghan summer heat.  Thanfully I’ve been able to hydrate and fuel my body at night to mitigate much of the risk.  But on days like today where I’ve been outside for several hours and wearing body armor in the heat, I am reminded just how fragile our bodies can be.  This helps me remember to be humble about my limitations.  That humility should be a reminder that I am not invincible and that I need God’s protection and intercession in my life.  Both of these lessons, submitting to God’s will and humility in the face of the human condition, will lead me to my next area of study: prayer.  This area of study is the weakest area of my spiritual life and may take more time for me to complete and write about.

Deployment Update #8

I’m now one week into my Ramadan experiment.  So far so good.  Still not sleeping as well as I’d like during the day, but that’s to be expected. The last few days of my journey I’ve focused on the duties of fathers.  For as long as I can remember, that’s been the one job or title I’ve put the most importance on in my life.  Even when I was a kid the thing I wanted the most to be was a good dad.  So seeking biblical guidance on how to be a good father just seems like common sense to me. While the bible does have some rather well known exhortations on fatherhood, there are rather few other passages of direct guidance.  Ephesians 6:4 is, in my mind, the most notable passage.  It says that fathers are not to frustrate their kids or provoke them to anger, but instead instruct them and give them discipline.  Similarly, in Colossians 3:21 it says to not provoke children for it discourages them.  Other than those two scriptures directly addressing fathers, there are only a few other direct points of guidance.  So I looked at scriptures that give indirect guidance to fathers, and scriptures that one can easily infer guidance to fathers, for more instruction. Another famous, and probably frequently misquoted, scripture is Proverbs 13:24 which says that anyone who fails to discipline his children hates them, but the father who is diligent in discipline loves his children.  Earlier, in Proverbs 3:11-12 I again see that a good father gives correction to his children.  These scriptures tell me that, as a father, it is not my job to be my kids’ friend.  Instead it is my duty to correct them, give them guidance, discipline them when they are wrong. Other scriptures that give insight into what God expects of fathers are Exodus 20:12 and Deuteronomy 5:16.  Both are versions of the 5th commandment which says that we are to honor our father and mother and that doing so will bring long life.  So the implied task there for parents is to be worthy of honor and to give wise instruction.  Similarly, throughout the book of Proverbs we read where Solomon is telling his sons to seek and listen to wisdom, insight, understanding, and knowledge.  Solomon also frequently emphasizes to his sons to follow the righteous path and resist various temptations.  From this I understand that I am to lead my children to wisdom, give them prudent counsel, help them understand, and provide knowledge.  I can do this directly through conversations and instruction, but I can also do this indirectly by being an example.  By living my life in such a way that seeks wisdom and knowledge and understanding, I can show my children the right way; an example they can emulate.  The other half of that equation is leading my children toward the path of righteousness.  That means that I also must not neglect my own spiritual education and activities if I am to be an example for my children.  Also, I must take or make opportunities to share with my children the Gospel.  By being consistent in my words and actions, I can hope to open their hearts to Christ and to God. Also, there are a couple scriptures that talk about leaving an inheritance for future generations.  Proverbs 13:22 specifically says that a good man leaves an inheritance for his grandchildren.   Lastly, another notable scripture is Malachai 4:6 which talks about turning the hearts of the fathers to their children and vice versa. What I take away from all of this is that a Godly father is first and foremost the one who gives discipline, correction, and guidance.  But at the same time a Godly father is a teacher and guide, who has his in his heart a profound love for his children.  Also, Godly fathers teach their children His ways and His truths both in word and in actions.  Godly fathers impart wisdom self discipline, hard work, honor, and righteousness on their children.  Godly fathers also set their children and future generations up for success by leaving inheritances, both physical and emotional/mental/spiritual.  It’s a tall order, but one very worthwhile.  Even though I only have a handful of years left with my children at home, I hope I can employ these lessons and be the best Godly father I can be. 

Deployment update #7

So I’m 4 days into my Ramadan experiment. Physically the toughest adjustments are the whole sleep cycle changes and getting used to not hydrating all day. I’m finding it hard to sleep very much during the day. Actually, it’s not yet 3:30 in the afternoon as I type this; I should be asleep right now.

As planned, I started the spiritual aspect of my Ramadan journey looking at what the Bible says about the duties of husbands. My intent was to find guidance on how I can be a better husband for my wife. After nearly 17 years of marriage I’ve realized that while I’m not a bad husband, I want to make sure that I’m being the best husband I can be. Going a bit deeper into my motivations, I’ve come to believe that happiness in life is found not in dependence on someone else but in alignment of yourself with God’s creation and intentions. What this means to me, among other things, is that I can’t control what anyone else does. I can’t expect anyone else to make me happy. However, I can start to find happiness in sharing my journey with someone who strengthens my weaknesses and shares my goals and values. How this applies to my reading on how to be a good husband is that I can’t control how good my wife is at being a wife. But I can influence her by being the best husband I can be. Also, I can be at peace with myself knowing I’m being the best husband I can be. So what did I find? Starting in Genesis chapter 2 and the story of the creation of Eve and of all womankind, the lesson I take is that wives and husbands are part of each other just like Eve was created from the rib of Adam. They are united. Moving forward into the New Testament, in Ephesians 5:25 I am told to love my wife as her protector and guide and to not hate her as she is part of me. This is a theme that I find in other New Testament references. But what this particular passage means to me is that first my job as husband is to love my wife. Sounds rather intuitive, right? The next role I have as husband is as a protector. This role appeals to my basic instincts as a man. What man doesn’t want to be his wife’s hero and protector? I know one of the best compliments I have ever recieved from a woman was when she told me that she felt safe with me. And I’m not talking about the ‘oh, your a friend so I feel safe with you’ kind of safe. Instead I’m talking about the warm embrace and heartfelt ‘you make me feel safe’ or ‘I feel so safe when I’m with you’ comment. The third job from this passage is to be a guide. In my current situation my wife and I believe differently than each other. In some ways our beliefs are very differnt. So I take this particular job as a guide to mean that I should live my life as an example of what it means to be a good Christian. In this way, by my example, I can hope to guide my wife to being open to Christ. But even if that doesn’t happen, I am still called to be her guide in other ways as well. I believe it is my role as husband to provide my vision for our lives and our future. To be a guide for our lives. But this does not mean that I am the sole decision maker or am domineering or controlling as we will see later. In Colossians 3:19 I am told to be kind and loving, not harsh. Most of the time this is easy. But sometimes, as in any relationship, emotions can get away from us and it is in those moments of frustration or anger that I have to remember this admonishment. I Peter 3:7 picks up on this theme and says that I should be considerate and respectful, to treat my wife with dignity. Other scriptural references that tell how a husband should treat his wife talk about how husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the Church. One thing that the feminists may not like in this analogy is that, just as Christ is the head of the Church, so is the husband is the head of the family. Which brings me to my last point before my conclusions.

In Proverbs 31 we read about the good and virtuous wife and the respect she deserves. From my reading on the duties of husbands I find consistency between the New Testament guidelines for husbands and Proverbs 31. In Proverbs we are told that the good and virtuous wife is worthy of respect, admiration, and emulation. In the New Testament husbands are told to respect our wives, to love and care for them. So how does this jive with the husband being the head of the family? Can a husband be the head of the family and still love and respect his wife? Actually, I think the real question is how can a husband respect and love his wife without being the head of his family? By this I mean that, generally, wives don’t want to have to be the primary breadwinner, the authoritarian, to deal with all the politics and dangers of society. That is not to say that individually a wife might not enjoy those things. But it has been my experience that my wife, and almost every wife I know, is happier when she is able to devote her energy to the things she enjoys doing. For my wife that is things like gardening and reading and doing yoga and being outside enjoying nature. She also enjoys nurturing and teaching our children, and she enjoys (and is very good at) preparing meals and maintaining a warm and happy home environment.

So my takeaways from the last four days of reading, studying, and praying about how to be the best husband I can be: love my wife, care for her, provide for her, respect her, be gentle with her, and treat her with honor as a partner in life. The details of these aspects may vary somewhat from one couple to another, but the general idea is consistent. So what this means in terms of my actions and my heart: be nice to her, do things that I know make her happy, do my best to give her what she wants, make sure I always give her what she needs, and treat her as a full partner in my life. Also, I need to be more aware of how I treat her when I’m frustrated or angry. Sometimes I can be very sarcastic, and other times I can be very withdrawn. Saying snarky things that hurt, or withdrawing and not sharing of myself is not being respectful or being a good partner in life. When I feel that way I need to be honest and say so. This will hopefully give me time to regain my emotional balance and do what is right. In this way I hope to be a good example, a better husband, a better Christian, and find greater happiness in my life.